I just really love him. (Useless blog)

About this photograph: For our 1st wedding anniversary last July, Josh surprised me and took me to Florida… for the first time! It was pretty fun. We stayed at this really nice resort called Omni Resorts, and even watched a live band at Universal Studios play Lady Gaga’s Just Dance (they were pretty good!). Here, Josh poses with a Mickey Mouse hat and is very unhappy about it. Well, not really. Anyways, this photograph brings back a lot of happy memories, even if it was taken a few months ago. And just so you know, Orlando has nothing on Los Angeles (though I do think Disneyworld > Disneyland, I’m just saying). I’m a little sad summer is ending. And, I miss home! Work has been nonstop lately… for both Josh and me.

Next week, Josh is taking us a dolphin tour where we’ll go kayaking at Folly Beach. I’m pretty stoked. I know it’s going to be fun… But I just have so much work to do! With Josh around, it’s a little hard to get on the ball since we have too much fun together. The only thing I’m a little worried about is all the deadlines I have due to work, GRE studying, TAYO layouts for the third issue, wedding planning (big exclamation mark!), et al. But more on the wedding (April 28th, 2012, guys!), I talked to my florist the other day and man, this wedding is going to be beautiful! There’s going to be live betta fishes in the centerpieces! ‘Sigh, I’m really looking forward to coming back to California next year. At least, I hope (if the Navy plays nice). I really hope I’ll get in a good grad school back on the West Coast.

When I think about next year, I think about more traveling. There’s a few trips I’m saving up for–the AWP in Chicago in February and hopefully Washington. I still can’t believe how much traveling Josh and I did this year. Traveling was such a foreign thing to us back home, and something that was financially out of reach for me while I was living with my dad. So far, this year we got to see New York and Washington D.C. (and of course, Charleston). If we don’t get San Diego next year, we might get Seattle, Washington, or Groton, Connecticut, and both are way cooler than Charleston. Chuck-town isn’t so bad; the people here are just different. Depending on where I’ll get into grad school, Josh and I might have to live apart, which is going to suck (especially when he’s on deployments).

I guess I should make this useless blog have a little merit. I’m really surprised where I am in life right now. Ten years ago, I would have never imagined that I would be living across the country, that I would be married to my first love, that I would have a magazine (and a forthcoming anthology), that I would I have a life where I could do things I’ve always wanted to do: write, read, and travel. It’s weird. My life, as long as it’s attached to the Navy, will always be in transit, and I can’t believe how much I learned about myself from my college years to my one working year. I hope I’ll never stop growing. I hope Josh and me never stop growing. I hope the people I have known, worked with, and loved/hated never stop growing. I want to just wish everyone happiness right now. I made a lot of mistakes, but god, if it weren’t for those mistakes, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I wish I could teach this to my kids. One of the reasons I chose the Mickey Mouse photo of Josh is because Disney represents the American dreams of childhood. And, we talked a lot about having kids today. I won’t be getting pregnant until I’m 30, until my career is blossoming, and (most importantly) until Josh is out of the Navy and working. Although Josh wanted 8 kids in high school (I don’t know, he’s silly, he wanted a lot of kids because he is from a big family), now we’ve settled on 2 kids, just 2. We talked about how we’re going to raise them, how church will be a big factor in their young lives, and how devastating it would be if our kids experience similar things we had to. And though we want to provide them a good, blessed life, I hope they do experience the similar things I did, even if they were devastating… as long as they’ll grow up with the same relentlessness as their mother’s, and as long as they remember to live their life with grace. That’s the one thing I want to teach my kids. Grace. Honesty. And knowing themselves. I never want my kids to feel like they have to lie to themselves in order to get what they what. That’s the one thing that would break my heart.

This blog has become a rather long tangent. I did write a poem today for my Daily Grind, but I don’t believe I should post it just yet. I’m trying to play with this voice that is entirely not mine. It’ll be a kind of catharsis approach to a wound I carry, and I hope it’ll provide me a method to understand myself and others further. Who knows? We’ll see where it goes.


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