Back in 2004, we were in high school and in love. Now, in 2011, we’re working our butts off (me in publishing, him in nuclear engineering in the US Navy), and we’re still in love. And married. Crazy how life changes so quickly, right? When I look at my old self in these photographs I found on my old Photobucket, I’m like: man, I’ve really changed. My hairstyle changed with my capricious self. It’s funny. I was such a confused, little girl, and it just shows—I definitely did not know myself back then. My self-awareness encircled my change of haircuts, which went from long hair and only ponytailed in the beginning of middle school, to an almost-mullet in high school, to a short, Japanese-boy haircut in the end of high school, to a Victoria Becknam–wanna-be haircut in college, and, finally, back to long hair and only ponytailed. It’s like I reverted back to my sixth grade self when I was actually OK with who I was. It took a lot of years to get back to where I should be. And I’m really glad it took this long, because, well, it was fun, it was hard, but I learned a lot.
But on the writing side of life, since this ought to be a writing blog, I need to write more. I’ve got a lot of stories in my mind, but I need to sit down and just write. A friend from VONA was kind enough to give me the e-version of Making Shapely Fiction (if you want the copy, lemme know! It’s really helpful!), and I think it’s a great way of practicing the different units of writing. I’m going to start posting these exercises here on my blog and probably start by THIS weekend, but first things first: I need finish our third issue of TAYO and start working on KL. It’s been pretty hectic lately, with work and TAYO, so it’s been hard to concentrate. I’m also finishing my MFA apps and will send out my materials by the beginning of November. Although Charleston has been good to us, it’ll be nice to finally leave here and come back home.
Because this blog post is, yet again, pretty useless, I decided to make it worthy of some merit and suggest to you this podcast by This American Life on adventures. One of the short stories read (the first one in the second segment) was really, really fun to listen to. I loved the ending. But, I guess what I’m trying to say is this: life is an adventure. Pretty cliché, but if you don’t believe me, then you’re not living enough yet. Life is really fun. Here’s another cliché by Dr. Bob Kelso from Scrubs:
Dr. Kelso: “You’re scared because if you try and fail, there’s only you to blame. Well, Missy, let me break this down for you, Bobbo-style. Life is scary. Get used to it. There are no magical fixes. It’s all up to you. So get up off your keister, get out of here, and go start doin’ the work.”
Miss Goldman and Turk: “What if it’s too hard?”
Dr. Kelso: “Turkleton, I have no idea why you’re chiming in, but I’ll say this to both of you. Nothing in this world that’s worth having comes easy.”
Nothing in this world that’s worth having comes easy. I want to become a writer. I wanted to marry the man I loved, the man I knew was the one when I first met him in my history class in 8th grade. And I will become a writer, maybe not a famous one, and though I did marry the man I loved and love, it was and is hard. Marriage is hard. Life is hard. But in life, the sacrifices you have to make when you love the right one are easy. It’s like the sacrifices you make when you love what you do. It’s scary, to love someone else or to let yourself build your life around your passion. It’s hard to stay up later than I ought to and crank out a poem, write a new scene/exercise, revise this or that piece, or do XYZ for TAYO / KL. I have to carry a lot of side jobs now and forever to make sure I’m financially stable and can do my real job, which is, like Miguel Syjuco told us in our second magazine, writing. Everything I do besides writing is my hobby, but writing, that is my job. I do what I do because I fell in love. I may have been rejected by the things I loved in the beginning, but I fought for what I believed in and I got this far in life. I don’t regret it. I do regret a lot of things, but not where I am right now in my life. I never thought I’d be living across the country and in Charleston for a year, start and maintain an international magazine, or be blessed enough to work in publishing. Life has a lot of in store for all of us, and if we just try to live, love, let go, and learn, I’m sure we’ll all live that adventurous life we want to and meet the amazing people we should. A lot of people have come and go in my life, and I’m sure there will be more amazing people who will pass by and impress upon my life many things. But, for now, I can at least say life has been good to me. The people who have left or will leave were important and made me who I am today. I’m really thankful. And, the most important person in my life has stayed. Thank you, Josh, because this life is really fun with you. Even though in these past 9 years we’ve made a lot of mistakes, we’re pretty damn lucky—we found the ‘right one’ early in our life (just like Marshall and Lily). I don’t regret loving you. I never will.
Sorry for the tangent this blog post went on, but… Hey, I need a break from copyediting. And, the only person who even reads this blog is Josh, so, honey, I hope this blog post makes you happy. Here’s a song too because I’m sure you’ll love it (or at least like it!).