After ages, I finally took the time to design my blog and give it a simplistic make-over.
In other news, I’m almost done with my third semester of my MFA at Mills. It’s a little crazy. I’m almost done. I take a heavy sigh as I write this. It’s strange because I feel like I’m only beginning, and to be honest, I am. I’ve heard the real work begins after your MFA, when you are alone in the world with nothing else but a pen and paper and a desk and silence. I’ve got to say: I’ve met some amazing writers this past two years, and I hope to meet more. I’ve met some great readers, a lot of bad ones too, but mostly very giving, loving people. I’ve learned I can do this–this whole writing game–despite how hard it’s been these past two years. Life really never gave me a break. It kicked me hard, over and over, when I lost everything–my lola, my deployed husband–writing saved me. It saved me from my grief, my madness, my sadness, my rage. I came to a narrative landscape that haunted my dreams with nothing but gut and wit, and I’ve made a home here. And though I’m still grieving over so many things, this place–the Bay and its sparkling bridges–is now my sacred ground. It has healed me. I don’t know what the future holds. I do know that I will always write, I will give myself breaks, I will love, and I will always struggle. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs on this MFA road, but I don’t regret it a bit. I’m happy I took this chance, this risk, this moving across the country with the land and the sea separating my husband and me. I’m thankful. I’m excited for what’s to come, I’m excited to do the work and turn my thesis into a full-fledge book, and even if (and I’m sure I won’t) I don’t receive any fellowships post-MFA, I know I am where I’m supposed to be in life. I’ve made whatever it is I’m living into my own, into something beautiful, into a life that celebrates love, even when it’s hard, even when he’s absent, even when writing wants to kick my ass. I’ve discovered I have four great loves in my life: my husband, my familia (both by blood and friends), my books, and my writing.
I’m truly, truly thankful. As I slowly end this year, I gotta say: 2013, you were a bitch, and in some ways harder than 2012, but it has been a good one. I’ll be happy to end it soon. I’m excited to see the Middle East. I’m excited to ring in the new year. I’m excited to work my ass off. I’m excited, if not for anything more: to give love and to receive it.
I remember last year on December 28, I shared this status, feeling the weight of Josh’s pending deployment:
I drank coffee and read old books and waited for the year to end.
— Richard Brautigan
And that’s exactly what I did this year, and I wouldn’t have lived it any other way. I’m blessed. To those whom I love, I cannot love you more. To those whom have fallen out of my life, I’m sorry. I hope we meet again soon.
And with that, here’s a cute picture of my husband and I last year for Xmas:
With all my love,